by Janet Dance
As a ministry couple, we are surrendered to a life of following God anytime, anywhere. Finding God’s will in ministry can be a challenge of our faith, trust and obedience and can feel a bit insecure for those of us who like to have all our ducks in a row – on a visible shelf – within reach.
I was struggling with that call fifteen years ago as I was reading the book of Numbers. I saw myself with God’s people as He led them into the land He promised. I saw the Israelites time and time again looking at their circumstances, grumbling, and questioning God’s leadership. They displeased God with their lack of trust and set themselves up for God’s discipline.
Perhaps they asked themselves, “Can we really trust God? What if we get there and we don’t like it? What if Egypt is better? Will my kids adjust?”
Following God’s Will in Ministry Can Be Unnerving
When God was leading Mark and me to leave our church in East Tennessee in the early 90’s, we could sense Him loosening our roots there. It was unnerving. I loved our church family, our community, our house. Life was good and God was blessing Mark’s ministry there. One day I asked God, “Since this is a good ministry and we are serving you here, why can’t we just stay? I love this community and I have such good friends (whine whine). Maybe it’s not your first choice for us, but it’s a good choice right?”
Seriously, I asked this – and I meant it.
Life Outside of God’s Will is Meaningless
God spoke to me in that moment loud and clear by withdrawing the feeling of His Spirit from me. I was saved at age 6 so I really don’t remember a life without His Spirit.
It literally took my breath away. A physical pain struck my heart and I had to gasp for air. I looked at the beautiful mountains behind our home and they were a dull green. I thought of my dear friends and the relationships felt empty. Life in that moment felt completely meaningless. I knew right then that the feelings of security, joy, friendships and purpose – the feelings I wanted to stay in East TN for – were all a direct result of being in the center of God’s Will, not being in that specific ministry. I immediately began to plead for God’s forgiveness. I hated the feeling of hopelessness.
The Holy Spirit’s presence came back to comfort me. I thank God for the grace of Jesus that I can be forgiven and restored at the moment of repentance so I did not have to wander for 40 years as a consequence.
God’s Will Brings Peace
Months later, I walked through the house, room by room, where my babies slept, and said goodbye. As we drove to Arkansas through the rolling hills and Smoky Mountains, I heard on the radio for the first time the new single I Can’t Live a Day without You from the group Avalon. I wept as God reminded me that He is the author of my peace.
I really don’t want to live even 1 day without Him. Life without Him is truly meaningless; even when the things I do are good things. I pray I always remember and never go back to Meribah (Num 20:13), a place where I quarrel with God over His plan for my life.
Nashville God? Why not!
